Humpday Story: So Much for Warrior Women

So-Much-For-Warrior-Women-GenericOne night. That’s all Susan asked for. And thankfully, she got it on Tuesday night. One night of ordering Chinese and binge watching Xena. With her favorite blanket, a quiet apartment without a stupid ex-girlfriend, and a bottle of whiskey for later, Susan can’t ask for more.

But the General Tso arrives late. And the goth delivery girl invites herself in for some Xena episodes.

Definitely not the Tuesday night Susan planned. She sees only one way to kick the delivery girl out. Though maybe not for good.

If you enjoy quirky lesbian erotica, be sure to read So Much for Warrior Women.


One night. That’s all Susan asked for. And thankfully, she got it on Tuesday night. Not the optimal time, but Susan wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to binge watch Xena: Warrior Princess and order Chinese.

At six in the evening, she put the order in for General Tso with fried rice and an extra egg-roll. Right after that, she stripped and showered. After that, she plopped her ass on the couch and started up the first disc while waiting for the food to arrive.

The apartment was orderly, as always. Hardback books on the shelf, cute knick-knacks in front of the TV, nothing on the coffee table. Each wall in the living was bare, just the way Susan preferred it. Paintings were a waste of money. She gave up on cross-stitch years ago. And who was she trying to impress anyway? Bare walls and skimpy decorations suited her just fine.

She curled on up on the soft leather sofa, favorite blue blanket wrapped around her tight. She wore pink silk pajamas and went commando underneath. Remote control within reach on one side of her, cell phone on the other. She drank from her water bottle, saving the good stuff—good shit whiskey—for later, when the food arrived.

She skipped through the advertisements loaded on the front end of the DVD, and started up the first episode. The same old familiar theme song, the dorky info dump about a land of kings and gods. Susan smiled, couldn’t help it. So many memories watching this show as a young girl, and fantasizing about being with Xena and Gabrielle on adventures. 

And on sexual adventures.

Susan’s previous girlfriend, Jackie, had walked out on her. Up and left, no note, no phone call, not even a text. Cindy, a mutual friend, told Susan that Jackie found a man and switched to being cis.

Susan didn’t think that would last long for Jackie, but the bitch wasn’t welcome back into her life now. Things had gone cold over the last six months. After a week of crying into her pillow, Susan decided she was better off. She needed someone normal now. Stable, practical, with a good job and good sense.

Adventures were fun, on the TV screen at least. Being the manager of a grocery store was exciting enough most days. The worst that happened was a long string of bad customers. Nobody got hurt.

Nothing ever really happened though.

Her stomach growled though out the first episode. And then well into the second. By the third episode, Susan called the Chinese place to make sure her order was on the way. Usually it took half an hour, forty minutes tops. What the fuck?

The order had gone out an hour ago, but the delivery girl hadn’t returned yet.

Well shit.

Susan considered putting in an order for pizza. Or just going out and getting a sandwich. The first option sounded as appealing as eating nothing. The second meant she needed to put on her jeans and shoes again.

And then, a knock on the door. At last.

Susan peeped out the peephole. In the hallway was a skinny girl with pale skin and black hair tied up in pigtails. She wore black leather cuffs, torn up jeans, and an untucked blue button-up shirt. Susan unlocked the door, twenty dollar bill in hand. She debated whether she wanted change or not. Her stomach rumbled so loud, surely the goth delivery girl heard it from out in the hall. At this point, Susan didn’t give two shits about change.

She didn’t even bother telling the girl how late she was. What was the point? Her name-tag read “Kendra” and seemed to have been dropped in glitter.

“That’ll be twenty-one fifty,” Kendra said.

“Seriously?” Susan said.

“Do I look serious, bitch?” Kendra rolled her eyes. She wore black eyeshadow, and black lipstick. Any other day, Susan might’ve found it cute, in a way. Tonight, not so much.

“Do you charge for extra bitchiness?” said Susan. “Or do you need money to cover your blond roots?”

Kendra touched one pigtail and actually blushed pink. Got a nerve. Not so tough. Susan handed her the twenty and took the brown paper bag of food. Not as hot as it should’ve been. Susan shut the door.

Or at least tried. Kendra put her foot in the way. She wore big, black combat boots with scuff marks on them.

“Hey,” she said. “You watching Xena?”

“Yeah. So?” Susan squinted at her.

“Can I come in and watch too?”


Kendra held up the twenty. Even her fingernails were painted shiny black. “I’ll give you this back if you let me watch an episode.”

Susan laughed. “Why?”

“Because I hate my job,” Kendra shrugged one shoulder and flicked a pig-tail. “Quitting tonight. Just fucking around, zooming around town on my moped.”

“That’s why you were late?” Susan said.

“Yeah. No offense or anything. But damn, your place is hard to find at night.”

“Really?” Susan put a hand on her hip. She looked Kendra up and down. The girl was maybe in her early twenties. A bit thin. Not even Susan’s type. Jackie was a bad girl, with a motorcycle and an unhealthy appreciation for heavy drinking. In comparison, Kendra seemed tame. A bit naive.

But for some reason, Susan wanted company. A little adventure never hurt anyone. Right?

She opened the door wider and waved Kendra in. “Come on. Before I change my mind.”

Kendra brightened. Eyes wide, a little color on her neck. She stepped inside and kicked off her boots at the door, revealing grubby white socks. She practically skipped to the living room and plopped down on Susan’s spot on the sofa.

“You’re not a convincing goth girl,” Susan said. “No offense.”

Kendra shrugged again. “I’m one of those girls who doesn’t fit in either crowd.”

“No kidding,” Susan sat down a cushion away from Kendra. “Big fan of Xena?”

“Oh hell yeah,” Kendra said. “Watched it all the time at my cousin’s house. Used to pretend to go on adventures with Xena and Gabrielle.”

Susan unpacked her Chinese food. Still warm enough to eat. Not like she was going to chow down on the entire thing tonight. Whatever was left could be nuked for lunch tomorrow. She offered some to Kendra, who declined. Just as well. Susan didn’t even like the idea of the girl’s dirty socks on her coffee table, much less eating the dinner she should’ve gotten an hour ago.

Susan picked up a piece of General Tso chicken with her chop sticks. “So,” she said. “What’s your idea of an adventure with Xena?”

She figured if talking throughout the show annoyed Kendra enough, the girl might leave.

Instead, Kendra took off her name-tag and settled deeper into the couch. Her pale skin blushed a little. “You know. Riding on Argo, my arms around Xena’s waist.”

“Just around her waist?” Susan said.

Kendra held up two fingers, as if giving someone a finger job. The girl had a cute smile, with white teeth and little crinkles around her eyes.

“I’d be wanting much more,” Kendra said, almost in a whisper.

“How much?” said Susan. She bit into another piece of chicken, chewing it slowly and only half paying attention to the show. This wasn’t how she imagined spending her night. But, she had to admit, this was better than drinking alone and stuffing her face until she fell asleep in front of the TV.

Another little shrug. “Don’t you even think of banging Xena? Be honest,” said Kendra.

“I was always more into Gabrielle. She’s tough, but not going to kick my ass unless I deserved it.”

“I’d let Xena kick my ass any day,” said Kendra. “For any reason.”

“Oh?” Susan said. “Is that what you’re into?”

“Oh… umm,” Kendra stuttered for a bit. “No. Not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“Nothing.” Another tug on the pigtail. “Well. You know, someone to set me straight.”

“So you think Xena would somehow make you straight?” Susan winked and poked Kendra in the ribs with a chopstick.

Kendra squirmed and giggled. “No. Definitely not.”

Susan set her dinner on the coffee table, then set her hands on her lap. “I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing you didn’t come in here just to watch TV with me.”

“What do you mean?” Kendra said, looking away.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Susan said. “And if you don’t, maybe you should leave.”

“But I don’t want to leave.”

“Unless you want me to kick your ass straight,” said Susan.

If that didn’t scare off the delivery girl, she didn’t know what would. And if it did, then she could have a quiet evening like planned. Susan hoped her evening wouldn’t be quiet now.

Kendra cleared her throat. For sure she was going to leave. Get up and walk out the door.

And then Kendra scooted over next to Susan, and gave her a wet and sloppy kiss on the lips.


Susan broke the kiss off. Her lips ached, swollen, and she wanted more. But this was…

It was a tad cheesy.

Like an episode from Xena, but turned into a porn for fan gratification. This shit didn’t happen in real life. Did it?

Kendra scooted back, hands in her lap and a timid expression on her face. She didn’t seem so tough. All Susan had to do was grab her by the arms and kiss her again.

That was exactly what she did. But this time rougher. She squeezed Kendra’s biceps and pulled her up against her body. Kendra didn’t resist. Instead, she offered her mouth to Susan. They played tongue tag. Kendra’s fingers slid down Susan’s slick pajamas. Down to her waist, to her hips. Susan grabbed hold of the front of Kendra’s shirt in both hands, and ripped it open. A few buttons even popped off.

Kendra was just as pale underneath her clothes. She wore a lacy black bra with a bow in the middle.

Susan wasted little time. She leaned forward and kissed Kendra on the neck while ripping her shirt the rest of the way off. Meanwhile, a fight scene was happening on the TV. Susan barely registered it, but the sounds of fighting and Xena’s war-cry made her hotter.

Kendra breathed slow, going limp and submissive in Susan’s arms. Susan went slow, gentle, giving Kendra opportunities to say no. Instead, she kept silent and wrapped her arms around Susan’s shoulders.

A final thought about how cheesy this was. Funny how Susan knew exactly how the evening was supposed to go, and never foresaw this. She didn’t mind the long wait for her dinner now.

She pushed Kendra flat on the couch, and offered her a pillow for under her head. Then Susan slipped the girl’s belt off. Pulled apart her jeans. Stripped her bare. Like Susan, Kendra had gone commando for the night. That excited her. Had Kendra planned to get lucky somewhere?

Susan settled down between her legs. Kendra was shaved bare. She smelled sweet when Susan spread her petals open. She tasted even better, and was already wet. Susan flicked her tongue across her lips and clit, adding to the wetness.

Her silk pajamas clung to her shoulders and back. Susan stopped licking for a moment, long enough to slip her top off. Her nipples were tight and erect. Her skin felt hot and cold at the same time. She continued making love to Kendra’s pussy, eating her slow. A nibble. A flick of the tongue. And then a finger. Kendra squirmed when Susan pushed deeper.

Susan curled her finger, playing around, trying to find Kendra’s spot. When she found it, Kendra squealed and clenched her thighs tight. A gush of hot juice poured out. Susan licked it up.

Kendra sat up on her elbows and slid away. Her eyes were glassy, the pupils dilated. She took off her bra, revealing tiny breasts with pink nipples. “Your turn,” she whispered.

Susan took off her pajama bottoms. She wished she had shaved, or at least trimmed herself. But when she laid back and spread her legs, the state of her pubic hair didn’t seem to matter to Kendra. She dived right in. And she wasn’t as gentle as Susan had been.

Kendra had skinny fingers. She shoved two into her pussy. Kendra licked her with a rough tongue. The credits rolled on the TV, and another episode started up. Susan closed her eyes, arms behind her head, and wrapped her legs around Kendra’s shoulders. Kendra slapped her pussy, then shoved three fingers inside. Susan was wet, and a lot closer to orgasm than she wanted to be.

Any other lover, she’d want to spread out the fun for an hour or more. But Kendra was a stranger. And Susan didn’t want to say no. She gave in to Kendra’s insistent tongue and finger fucking. The delivery girl held nothing back. Susan grabbed Kendra by the hair and pushed her down so she couldn’t breath. Kendra still kept going.

And then, butterflies in her stomach. Susan squeezed her eyes shut. She yelled in ecstasy, begging for more even as she was being drained.

She relaxed on the couch, no energy left, just enjoying the rush of the afterglow. Kendra pulled away slowly, as if uncertain what to do next. She giggled and sat upright. Then Kendra dressed herself rapidly.

“That was wonderful,” Susan said, hoping to convince Kendra to stay for a bit longer. She already had her jeans and bra back on.

“Yeah,” she said, slipping her blue shirt over her shoulders. Color blushed her cheeks. In that moment, she was quite beautiful. “Wonderful.”

Susan touched Kendra on the forearm. “Stay,” she said. “You know you want to.”

“Not my style, baby,” Kendra said. “But you make me wish I could change my style.”

“Oh?” Susan wrapped her arms around Kendra. “Perhaps something for the road, then?”

Susan slid a hand down Kendra’s thigh, to her pussy. The delivery girl spread her legs wider. After a hot kiss, her jeans came back off. Only to her knees, but that was far enough for Susan. She slid a finger into Kendra, not even bothering to be gentle this time. Not as pretty, or as satisfying, but still another orgasm.

And then another. Kendra shuddered against Susan, and then pushed away.

“I really should go,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “So I can quit before I’m fired.”

“Might be a good idea,” Susan said. She sat back and watched Kendra pull her jeans up. “Oh, and Kendra?”

“Huh?” Kendra said. “Who’s that?”

Susan shook her head. “Your name? At least the one on your name-tag.”

Kendra laughed. “Oh!” She grabbed the name-tag off the coffee table. “I just stole the first convenient tag off the corkboard. That’s not mine.”

“May I know your real name?” Susan said.

“Well, that depends,” Kendra smirked.


Kendra bent at the waist and kissed Susan on the mouth. This kiss was chaste, clean. “Am I invited back?”

“Anytime you’d like,” Susan said.

“Then next time, I might tell you my name,” Kendra said. She left without any further words.

Susan hoped she’d come back. She wanted to find out her new friend’s name. And maybe make the sex last until well after midnight.

Next time.


Copyright © 2020 Hermit Muse Publishing

Cover image © conrado/BigStockPhoto

Thank you for reading! If you would like to purchase this story, you can find it at your favorite retailer. Or feel free to leave a tip with the PayPal button below.

Author: David Anthony Brown

Indie writer and publisher. Among other jack-of-all-trade skills...

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: