Humpday Story: Hunting the Billionaire Dinosaur

hunting-the-billionaire-dinosaur-generic

A warm bowl of minestrone soup and a cool glass of lemonade. Everything Millie Samson needs to get away from the weirdness of working for a billionaire dinosaur shapeshifter. 

Really, she welcomes anything to keep her headache under control.

Because finally the boss allowed Millie to hire a new assistant. Rhianna interviewed well. Living up to her full potential might be another thing altogether. 

If you enjoy quirky short stories that poke fun at billionaires, dinosaurs, and shapeshifters, be sure to read Hunting the Billionaire Dinosaur.

***

HUNTING THE BILLIONAIRE DINOSAUR

First things first

Millie Samson leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. She shut out the noises all around her. The hustle of men and women in expensive suits rushing to business meetings they didn’t want to attend. The click-click-click echoes of high heels on marble flooring. And, somewhere, a baby crying. Because of course her day wouldn’t be complete without that. 

It was enough that she wore her most powerful looking powder blue pinstripe suit, with a yellow scarf tied loosely around her neck, and cream colored stockings with the lines up the backs of her calves. 

If there were a day Millie needed to look and feel powerful, it was today. 

But no way she was wearing high heels. After three rounds of aspirin and too many cups of bitter black coffee, Millie didn’t feel capable of being taller. 

And the day was only half through. 

The balcony of the mezzanine level held a number of small cafes and shops, with plenty of windows looking out over Gadfrey Park across the street. This was where Millie sat to get away from the constant weirdness of the office. She sat at one of the window seats, with a bowl of warm minestrone soup and a cold glass of lemonade, by herself and her thoughts, gazing out at the park. 

Some days she’d go across the street and walk during her lunch break. Today, though, was hell. No time for a walk in the sun. 

First, there was Rex Monahan, the boss and a dinosaur shapeshifter. Babysitting him was a full time position, never mind handling all the issues that came up with his office full of female assistants. 

And second was the new girl. Finally, after much pleading and cajoling, Rex allowed Millie to hire an assistant just for her. Somebody to help with the human resources functions. To answer phones. Deal with the ever growing mountain of paperwork. 

Problem was, Rhianna was one of those candidates who looked good on paper and interviewed well, but didn’t live up to her full potential. 

Granted she’d only been with Monahan Investments for all of two weeks. She was still on the lower end of the learning curve. 

Rhianna had been Millie’s second choice, and Rex’s first. “We need more gingers,” he said. “Can’t have too many gingers, you know.” And of course, he won that argument, stupidly enough. 

Not that Millie didn’t fight him on that one. After all, this was her assistant. But when the first choice candidate took another job in another state, Millie didn’t have much choice. 

Millie raised her head from off the window. Stretching and rolling her neck, she decided it was time to go back to the grind. Nothing more aspirin and caffeine couldn’t fix. Or a power nap at her desk, if she could keep Rhianna out for a half hour or so. 

And then poof—Rhianna sat down in front of Millie. She had no idea where the new girl even came from. It was as if Rhianna just materialized out of freaking nowhere. The redhead woman was out of breath and flushed deep red from her forehead to her half-revealed cleavage. Her hair was done up in a loosely put together bun, strands of hair falling out everywhere. The grey business suit was the only thing holding her together, and even that just barely. 

“Where did you come from?” Millie said, half laughing and half wanting to give Rhianna some menial task to make her go away awhile longer. 

Rhianna sucked in air. Her bosom heaved. Clearly, she’d run all the way to the mezzanine. Couldn’t she have used a cell phone? Jeez…

The first words out of her mouth weren’t much more than squeaks. Millie told her to slow down. 

“Oh God, it’s bad,” Rhianna said at last. “Super bad. Real shit fucking bad.”

Millie pushed aside the minestrone soup and lemonade. She placed her hands on the table, not far from Rhianna’s, in case she needed comfort. The worst scenarios came to Millie’s mind. Maybe Rex tried to grope her for the first time, and things didn’t go well. Or, even worse, Rhianna saw him shapeshift. That was never a pretty sight. Millie would never forget the first time she saw that. Some things could never be unseen, no matter how hard you tried. 

“What’s the matter?” Millie said. 

“Rex… He… Well, shit. Look out the window.”

Millie looked out the window. At first she had no idea what Rhianna was pointing at. Despite how obvious it should’ve been. 

Out in the middle of the park, stomping through the botanical garden, was Rex Monahan. 

In his velociraptor shape. 

A line of police cars were already forming a barrier around the main entrance to the park. Cops stood behind the cars with pistols and shotguns at the ready. 

“Ah, shit,” said Millie. She stood up and made a bee-line straight for the elevators, hoping like hell Rhianna was smart enough to follow. Luckily, she was. They wouldn’t have much time, hopefully it wasn’t already too late. 

Rex wasn’t likely to cause too much trouble as long as there weren’t other people around. A squirrel might get hurt, best case scenario. But if the police fired at him… Or a jogger took a wrong turn down the park trail… Or a bus full of school children happened to be somewhere in the park… 

Millie pressed the elevator button rapid-fire until the doors dinged opened. 

The entire reason for having a cubicle farm full of beautiful, young women was to curb Rex’s shapeshifting, which was tied to his sexual appetites. As long as he had a fresh supply of tits, ass, and pussy, he stayed human. (Well, reasonably human.) But if he went without… Sometimes he could last a couple weeks. Sometimes a couple days was all it took. Just depended. 

The stupid elevator doors finally opened. Millie stepped in and pressed the button before Rhianna had both feet in. 

“What do we do?” the redhead said. “Just undress in front of him and he reverts back?” 

“Something like that,” Millie said. “But we need precautions. And backup if we have any.” 

The doors dinged open. The whole damn office was empty by the sounds of it. The ladies took long lunch breaks, because they could and not like they worked real jobs. Even the secretary operating the phones was out. Millie kept her cursing under her breath. Rhianna practically clung to her arm, understandably nervous as hell. 

Millie led her to the women’s restroom. In the back corner next to the farthest stall was a door that, for some other tenant, might’ve been a broom closet. 

She unlocked the door with the key she kept on her wrist. 

“Holy shit,” Rhianna said. “I had no idea you kept a small arsenal here.” 

Inside the closet was a collection of non-lethal weapons—a shotgun with beanbag rounds, a Taser, dart guns with tranquilizer ammo. 

“We don’t use these often,” Millie said. “You were a sharpshooting champion, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, in college. A little out of practice.”

Millie loaded a dart gun and handed it to her. “Well, I hope those skills come back to you quickly.” 

She picked up the shotgun, loaded a beanbag into it, then grabbed the Taser and stuck it in her purse. 

“Aren’t the police going to arrest us for going outside with this stuff?” Rhianna said. 

On the back of the door was a corkboard with some paperwork pinned on. Millie grabbed the papers. 

“We have licenses for all this stuff,” she said. “Have to when dealing with dino shapeshifters.” 

“Oh my,” said Rhianna. 

Millie slung the shotgun over one shoulder, feeling like a female version of Bruce Campbell in a schlocky movie. She felt like she should say something cheesy. A pithy one-liner to lighten the mood. 

“Come on, baby,” she said. “Let’s hunt some dino dick.”

Rhianna shook her head in confusion. “Umm… What?”

“Never mind,” Millie said. “But I suppose it’s time to show you the second most important part of our job here.”

“What’s the first again?” Rhianna said. 

“Keeping the boss fed with plenty of pussy,” Millie said matter-of-factly. Well, put that bluntly, it did sound kind of stupid. 

“So the second thing is?”

“Keep him from hurting other people,” Millie said. “Or himself, for that matter.”

She winked and sped-walked to the elevator. 

It’s like the DMV, but with shorter lines

Gadfrey Park was a lovely place in the summer. Wishing well ponds, fountains, shade among the pines and oaks. On quiet mornings, Millie would walk along the curving trail with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. 

Today wasn’t a quiet day at all, with the police cars and ambulances waiting in a circle around the park. Millie showed the licenses for the weapons to the officer guarding the barricade, and he let her on through. 

“Wow,” Rhianna said. “That seemed kinda easy. Walking past the barricade like that.” 

“Cops don’t like dealing with shapeshifters,” Millie said. “Even the SWAT team is slow getting here, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Yeah, I was wondering about that.”

Up ahead, something fast moved among the trees. A glint of scales flashed. And then he was gone among the bushes and foliage. 

Millie pumped the shotgun. “Some of the licenses are for the weapons.”

“Wait, only some?” said Rhianna. 

Millie smirked. The new hire was catching on. “Yup. One of the licenses is for indecent exposure and public sexual acts.”

Rhianna laughed. Millie didn’t blame here. 

“Do I just go to the DMV for those?” the redhead asked. “Or can I apply for them online?”

“Oddly, you apply through the wildlife department, like for a hunting license. Funny how our government is organized.”

They shared a moment of laughter. Felt good to be going into a potentially dangerous situation and have a chuckle as if nothing really mattered. Just another day at the office. 

“Okay,” Millie cracked her neck, putting on her more serious expression. “Once we have him down, i’ll start masturbating. That should hold his attention.” 

“What can I do?” Rhianna said. 

“You don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want. Maybe tranq him again if he needs it.”

Rhianna opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but then closed it. Millie didn’t blame her for not wanting to appear over-eager. She gave the redhead a smile and led the way down the path. 

With any luck, he’d find them. He was well trained in some respects. Though if he’d been better trained, he would’ve stayed in his office where nobody could get hurt. Millie laughed again. 

“What’s funny?” Rhianna whispered. 

“Oh, nothing,” said Millie. “I’ll tell you later, after my blood pressure is back under control.” 

“Deal.”

 And then Millie saw him. The black and brown scales. The red bloodshot eyes. Rex. He roared and jumped out from the trees. 

Millie took aim. 

And shot him with a beanbag round right between the eyes and above the nose. Enough to stop him in his tracks. That was going to hurt when he was human again. At least Millie hoped so. 

Rhianna shot him with a tranq dart to the neck. Millie tossed the shotgun aside and drew the Taser. 

Rex stumbled about on his clawed feet. Whether he was woozy from being hit with the beanbag or from the dart, didn’t matter. He wasn’t running very fast now. 

Millie raised the Taser and took aim. She hit him square in the chest, squeezing the trigger to shock Rex. He flopped onto his side. 

“Isn’t this a bit of an overkill?” Rhianna said, concern in her voice. She glanced from Millie to Rex, and back again. 

“Nope,” Millie squeezed the Taser trigger again, zapping him until he convulsed. “Don’t worry, he won’t feel a thing when he’s back to normal.” 

Rhianna looked at her skeptically, but didn’t argue. She reloaded the dart gun. 

“Now what?” she said. 

Millie set the Taser on the ground next to her feet. “Well, it’s a good thing we’re in a fairly secluded spot. Otherwise this would be just embarrassing, even with the permits.”

And then she dropped her panties to her ankles. It felt so mechanical, but when she thought about it, Millie had done this countless times for Rex. Too many times to count, really. She was never his first choice—which she was thankful for—but they shared something of a bond. 

A rather burdensome bond at times. Days like this felt more like babysitting for the world’s weirdest baby. 

But Millie definitely had Rex’s reptilian attention. He stared at her with his cold, tranquilizer-induced eyes. She sat down on the ground, out of his reach, and spread her legs, lifting the skirt above her hips. 

She did the deed for him. Right there in the park. Just like she always pulled through, whether she wanted to or not. 

But he wasn’t shapechanging back. He blinked a few times, as if watching a porno he’d over-used a few too many times. 

He stirred. Rhianna shot another dart into his neck, barely one inch away from the first one. Rex groaned and laid back down again. 

“Hate to say it,” said Rhianna, “but maybe you should try harder.”

Millie sighed a bit harder than she intended to. “How do I do that?” 

She knew the answer anyway. Rub fast and hard, fake an orgasm, tell him how good he is. Not like she’d never done that to a man before. It was simple, and so very unsatisfying. As if her personal satisfaction had anything to do with this situation. If only she really didn’t have a headache. 

And then Rhianna did the unexpected. 

The redhead set the dart gun at her feet, got down on her knees in the grass, and crawled over to Millie. Rhianna took Millie by the knees, tugging her bottom out from under her. 

Squealing, Millie smacked her on the shoulder. Rhianna playfully smacked her back. They exchanged blows, like two teenage girls who didn’t know how to fight. 

“What the hell?” said Millie. 

“Look,” Rhianna said. “I think ti’s working a little.”

Millie looked. Rex raised his dino head up, staring at them with a cold reptilian glare. He was like a predator watching two bunnies play, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. 

Millie squeezed the Taser again. Rex shook and jittered from the electricity. He huffed through his nostrils and laid his head back down. 

She needed to be careful not to use up all the juice in the Taser. 

“Okay, fine,” said Millie. “I think we both realized this day would come.” She wasn’t sure if she was talking to Rhianna or Rex. Either way. 

“A new part of my training?” Rhianna said a bit too enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, you can say that.” Not that Millie minded. This just wasn’t the way she wanted to do train Rhianna. It never was the way she wanted to train any of the women who worked for Rex. Seems she should’ve been used to that, but then Millie’s own training at Monahan Investments had been interesting. 

She was silent a bit too long, but so was Rhianna. Finally Millie made the next move. 

She pushed at Rhianna’s chest, forcing her to lay flat on the ground. Then Millie slid a hand up the redhead’s thigh. Up her skirt…

“Slower,” said Rhianna. Her eyes said anything but slower. 

Rex tried to be perfectly still, as if he were the prey in this odd situation. But his breathing was heavy. Millie could smell his breath, even from as far away as they were. Who would’ve thought dinosaur breath smelled like a sour peppermint breath mint? 

Millie glanced coyly from Rex to Rhianna, trying to play out her role as best she could. She was comfortable being intimate with a woman—she’d done this for Rex in the office and in her personal life. 

Rhianna smoothed back Millie’s hair. The redhead looked at her with excitement and energy. Like she wanted this. 

And when Millie thought about it some, that didn’t surprise her. The way Rhianna seemed to enjoy being around her, the way she looked at her when she thought Millie wasn’t paying attention, even the occasional flirty behavior. Millie really hadn’t paid much attention. 

She pushed aside Rhianna’s panties, revealing a neatly trimmed pussy. A surprisingly wet pussy at that. 

Millie glanced once more at Rex, to make sure he was paying attention. Of course he was. Millie pressed her lips to Rhianna, extending her tongue out to flick the woman’s clit. Even with the proper license to do this in public, Millie felt nervous. Apprehensive. It was one thing to do this in the office. Quite another thing with police and strangers about the park. 

Rhianna wrapped her lean legs around Millie’s shoulders and squeezed slightly, bringing her closer in. Too late to worry about what strangers might think. She was already there, and this was happening right now. 

She slid two fingers inside. The redheaded woman tensed up under Millie’s touch. 

Rex roared in obvious pleasure. Millie poked her head from out of Rhianna’s legs long enough to see what he was doing. He was still a dinosaur with no signs of reverting back to human. Likely the tranquilizer and the extra shocks from the Taser were slower down his shapeshifting. 

This was going to take awhile. 

Does any man ever learn?

“Is this even working?” Rhianna said. “I mean, I’m enjoying your technique, but…”

“It’s okay if you have to fake an orgasm,” Millie said. “He won’t know the difference.” 

Rhianna laughed. “Can’t he hear us talking about him?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t really understand. It’s sort of like talking to your dog. He knows what ‘treat’ and ‘car ride’ mean, but not much else goes on in that walnut sized brain.”

“Good to know.” She laughed. Then sat up straight, away from Millie. “I think we need to try something else.”

“Yes, thank you,” said Millie. “Kind of weird doing it in the middle of public property. Right?”

“Right.” Rhianna stood up, pressing her skirt down as if to take the wrinkles out. 

Rex groaned. He tried to get up, but not before Millie zapped him again. He twitched, then settled back down on his side. 

“I’m open to suggestions,” she said. “But we need to think fast. Or just fake an orgasm or three.”

Rhianna coughed. “Well, faking it doesn’t sound fun at all. And I didn’t take this job because I expected another boring office job.”

Millie stood up too, chuckling. “Yeah, no boring days here. My husband knows I can never use that excuse.” 

The redhead’s smile was cute and infectious, with dimples and white teeth. “I don’t think my boyfriend’s figured that out yet. But he’s open minded. I’m sure he understands deep down what I do.”

“He’ll have to,” Millie said. 

“He was okay with my exotic dancing,” said Rhianna. “Among other jobs that involved answering phones.”

“Oh? I had no idea.” Millie stepped closer to Rhianna, an idea forming in her brain. 

“Please tell,” said Rhianna. “Seriously, he’s stirring.” 

Rex rubbed an eye with the smooth side of his velociraptor claw. It looked like he was getting out of a deep sleep. The tranquilizer must already be wearing off. 

“Alright, here’s the plan.” Millie shared the plan. Rhianna giggled. Rex stirred. And then Millie got out her cell phone and put on some slow, sexy jazz music. 

Stripping for her dinosaur boss in the middle of a public park was not Millie’s idea of a day well spent. She could see the police cars through the foliage. The sounds of trucks and cars speeding down the avenue were ever-present. 

The first few seconds of the strip tease felt like a torturous eternity of awkwardly swaying her hips in rhythm with the music and trying to keep up with Rhianna. The redhead seemed to know what she was doing and was two steps ahead of Millie. 

Rhianna turned around, legs wide, slowly popping her blouse buttons free. She kept herself hidden while revealing little pieces. Some shoulder. A little arm. A hand gliding up her calf and thigh. The woman definitely knew what she was doing. 

And had one lucky boyfriend, for sure. 

Millie knew how to strip tease, and had done so many times, for her husband, past boyfriends, and for her boss. 

She’d never performed a strip tease with another woman before. 

But hey, how hard could it be? It was the same thing… wasn’t it?

Millie tugged at her suit jacket, revealing first one bare shoulder, then the other. She made half a turn, to show off her backside a little. And then she got a surprise.

Rhianna ripped Millie’s jacket straight off her shoulders and tossed it aside. Millie turned back around to see the redhead crack a wicked smile. Heat rose up Millie’s face in mild embarrassment. She didn’t even know why. Not like she was shy or sexually inhibited. More like she felt a loss of control. Her rhythm was off. 

And Rhianna, her subordinate and trainee, was taking charge. 

Rex was sitting upright now, watching with eyes that were half reptilian and half human. The show was doing its magic. He’d be a mostly naked male soon enough, with the tattered remains of his clothes hanging loosely off his body. 

In all her years of experience, what Millie knew about Rex was pretty simple really. If it got him off and kept him in his human shape, then it was good enough. 

Rhianna walked a circle around Millie, as if to size her up. As if she were prey. A light touch between the shoulder blades, and then Rhianna one finger up the back of Millie’s neck. Millie tingled with excitement. She slowly opened the buttons on her blouse, popping them one by one, and then her blouse was in a puddle on the ground. 

Somehow the skirt came off. And her bra. Rhianna contributed only half of her suit to the growing pile of clothes. Millie decided to change that. Take back control. She saw her opening, and went for it. 

When Rhianna faced her, Millie reached out to the middle of the redhead’s breasts and snapped the front clasp of her bra open. Rhianna gasped in mock surprise and held her breasts in both hands. She didn’t hold them for very long. Just long enough to be a tease. 

Rhianna had lovely breasts—supple and firm, with cute little erect nipples. Millie reached out again and grabbed one. Only a light feel. Just to touch. To tease Rex, of course. At least that was her excuse. 

She wasn’t sure what her excuse was for grabbing both breasts. 

But it sure excited Rhianna. She continued to dance slow around Millie. Soon, they stripped out of the rest of their clothes, dancing naked in front of their boss. 

Millie looked away, knowing full well what would happen next. Watching a shapeshifter shift was never pretty or sexy. She did Rhianna a favor by averting the redhead’s gaze away with a coy touch to the chin. Rhianna would eventually have to learn, but for now Millie just wanted to enjoy the moment. 

The sun. The trees. The cool air on her skin. And the presence of a fun coworker who was also now new friend. 

And maybe more. But Millie was willing to give that some time. 

Rex crawled over on his human knees, clothes ripped to shreds by the transformation. His suit was nearly gone, and so were the buttons on his dress shirt. And his boxers had a ginormous rip in the front. 

And he was clearly happy to see his HR department putting on a strip tease in the middle of a public park. 

Millie pressed him on the shoulder, urging him to lay flat on his back. Rex complied. She and Rhianna sat down on the ground, one woman on each side of Rex. Millie took the initiative, and went down on Rex first. He was well endowed, both in length and girth, a nearly perfect porn star cock. Millie couldn’t take him in all at once. She had to tease him a little first with her tongue and hands. His pubic hair was trimmed down to a thin line. She ran a finger through his hair. 

And then Rhianna got in on the action. She started with his balls, licking first one then the other. Then a slow lick up the shaft. Over the head. And then she swallowed all the way down, deep throating him without even gagging. Millie was impressed and a tad jealous of such skill. 

They took turns. Millie gentle, knowing where his limits were and how to keep him from orgasm. Rhianna, not so much. She progressively got rougher with him, tugging his balls, chewing on his shaft, stroking him harder. 

Rex trembled. It was Millie’s gentle touch that blew him over the edge. His cum came up in a bubble. And then burst and erupted in a flow down his shaft. 

Rhianna licked him one last time, then spat him out. Millie stood up, knees wobbly, and got dressed. Rhianna did the same. Rex laid there, covered in his own cum and no hope of being able to walk back to the office with any dignity. 

“Ladies,” he raised his head up. “Could you bring my spare pants at least? They’re in my office.”

“They’re being dry cleaned,” said Millie. “Just like you asked yesterday.” 

“Shit,” he said. “I did ask that.”

The ladies walked away. Millie had a smile on her face. He’d have to walk back naked. That would teach Rex to forget to feed his sexual appetite before shapechanging. 

As if the man would ever learn. 

Epilogue

After the excitement of the day was over, Millie still had a headache. If anything, it was worse than before. She’d spent an hour with the police investigators, explaining what happened and showing them all the permits for the weapons and public indecency. She didn’t even feel like checking in with Rex, to see if he needed anything. 

Millie just wanted to finish the mountain of paperwork on her desk, or at least as much of it as she could. And then go home for a hot bath and midnight sex with her husband. 

She leaned back in her leather office chair, pressing the vibrate button to a higher setting for her lumbar region. 

A knock on her door interrupted the moment of bliss. 

Rhianna poked her head in the door. Millie motioned her inside. 

“About earlier…” the redhead said, fluttering her hands in the air. She seemed at a loss for words. 

“Everybody who works here has some understanding of what she’s signing up for,” said Millie. “But it never really sinks in until the boss man turns into a reptile with a hard-on.” 

Rhianna laughed at the joke politely. “Thanks. I just wanted to say, I had fun.” 

“If you didn’t you’re in the wrong damn job,” Millie said. Another laugh, and this time they shared it. 

“And for what it’s worth,” said Rhianna, “I consider you my boss, not him.” 

And then Rhianna crossed to the other side of Millie’s desk and kissed her on the lips. 

And then with a wink and a cute chuckle, Rhianna left her office. 

Well, not every boss got a kiss from her employee. But Monahan Investments wasn’t just any old place to work. 

***

Copyright © 2019 Hermit Muse Publishing

Cover image © PH.OK/BigStockPhoto

Thank you for reading! If you would like to purchase this story, you can find it at your favorite retailer. Or feel free to leave a tip with the PayPal button below.



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Author: D. Anthony Brown

Indie writer and publisher. Among other jack-of-all-trade skills...

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